Let's Try This Again

Last night I was at a bar association Young Lawyers event when a friend & colleague told me that he recently shared my blog with a friend and then realized that I hadn't posted anything here in well over a year (he also told me that as he transitions from Judicial Clerk to private practice in the coming weeks, he plans to use what he learned on my blog to mess with young female attorneys, so that's good).  His comment got me thinking about this old page and how fun it is to share stories and recipes every once in a while, so I think I'll give it another go.  I can't promise how long it will last (heck, this might be the only new post for another year), but I can certainly give it a try.  

So, what's new in my life?  Turns out, quite a bit.  In the time since my last post, I performed in the Bar Show, ended a relationship, started a relationship, got engaged, planned a wedding, attended my 10-year high school reunion, found a lump on my neck, had two surgeries, was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, had some treatment, bought a new car, baked my own cupcakes for my wedding (with the help of my lovely mother!!!), got married, went to Ireland (where, among other things, a bird pooped on me...more about that later), changed my name, put an offer on a house, cancelled the contract on the house, attended a week long trial skills workshop, beat cancer, had my 4 year anniversary at the Firm, won a couple of cases on summary judgment, started the Jillian Michaels' Body Revolution, and generally did a lot of stuff.

In this first after-crazy-hiatus post, I'll fill you in on what I know you're most interested in:  baking my own wedding cupcakes!

Just kidding! Cancer it is! 

Ok, so last fall I was at work, minding my own business, when I went to the restroom and, while washing my hands, looked in the mirror and noticed that there appeared to be a lump on the side of my neck.  Not like a growth, but like my glands were really swollen and not in the place where your glands swell.  So, I did what any sane person would do and snapped a picture of my weird neck bump and texted it to Trent (the now hubby).  

See the left side of this picture and how it looks swollen and weird

Immediately after texting the picture, I went to my trusty friend Google and googled "weird lump on my neck."  I did some reading, hit up WebMd and had this conversation with myself:  "You have cancer."  "No, don't be a hypochondriac, this isn't cancer."  "No, this is totally cancer.  Call the Dr."  "I will call the Dr., but it's not cancer."  And then I called the Dr. 

Apparently when you call the Dr. and say, "I found a weird lump on [insert random body part here]" they can get you in rather quickly.  I went to see my general practitioner the next day and he assured me that it while my lump was in an area close to my thyroid, it probably wasn't cancer...but just in case we should probably do an ultrasound.  I had an ultrasound the day after that and learned why ultrasound technicians are not actually supposed to tell you what they see.  My technician talked the whole time and it went something like this, "Oh no...this is definitely in your thyroid...yeah...this isn't good...you know sometimes these things are benign...but this is probably cancer...I've never seen a lump in the thyroid gland this big!"  And thank you for that.

And then I was referred to a surgeon.  I have the knack for always choosing teaching hospitals/clinics/doctors, so of course my surgeon had two or three different students in his office.  I go in, surgeon feels my neck and pushes on my lump and then invites all of the students to take turns feeling my neck and pushing on my lump.  It was a good time.  

I had the option of an in-office needle biopsy that would likely come back negative even if there were cancer cells in there, or I could opt to have my lump surgically removed and biopsied at the time of the surgery.  Even if it wasn't cancerous, I wasn't planning to live the rest of my life with a neck lump, so I opted for surgery.

I had my surgery on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.  The plan was to go in and remove the right lobe of my thyroid and do some tests to see if it was cancerous right there in the room.  The options from there were cancer = removal of the full thyroid, no cancer = close me up and send me home hoping I'm one of those people who only needs half of their thyroid to have normal energy/metabolism rates, or maybe cancer can't quite tell = close me up and send it for further testing.

What result do you think I had?  If you guessed option number 3, you're a winner!

I was in the "maybe cancer" group, so I went back to my room and stayed hopped up on pain meds for 12-18 hours while my lump was tested.  I found out on Wednesday morning that it was indeed cancer and I'd be having another surgery to remove the rest of my thyroid.  

I was released from the hospital on Thanksgiving day.  What I'm thankful for:  Trent, who took time off of work at a new job just to sleep on a hospital room floor and otherwise take care of me; mom, who took off an absurd amount of time to be with me during the surgeries and recovery; my sister, who was there for my surgeries and the earlier stages of recovery; and my step-dad, who drove 7 hours to help take care of me (and mom :)).  

And that's enough sap.  

If I could give you any advice, it is do not let them release you from the hospital on a holiday an hour before you're due for your next pain pill.  They won't give you one for the road and the pharmacies are not open.  My experience was extra special because the hospital failed to put some sticker on my release paperwork, so when we finally found a pharmacy that was open I learned that they couldn't fill my prescription because my paperwork was inadequate.  Back to the hospital I went.  They still wouldn't give me a pain pill for the road (sadly).  At that point, I went home and someone else went to get my drugs.  

This is me post surgeries:  

Why yes that is a drainage tube going out of the incision in the middle of my neck

It turns out that while the pathologists knew that I had cancer, they couldn't identify it so they had to send my thyroid tissue on to the Mayo Clinic.  The pathologist there thanked my doctor for sending him "such an interesting case."  Yay?

What we learned from Mayo is that of the four types of thyroid cancer, I had the least severe in my left thyroid gland and the second to least severe in my right thyroid gland.  But my tumor was the size of a golf ball.  It's all very treatable and rarely spreads and is almost never deadly.  Some people go their whole lives with thyroid cancer and just never know it. 

Despite all of this, if you see my mom please don't tell her, "Well if you're going to get cancer, this is the type to get!"  It's true.  She still doesn't want to hear it, thanks.  

In January I had radiation therapy, which involves taking a very high dose of radioactive iodine.  I'll write about that some other day.  Most important point:  I was literally radioactive for a while and wasn't allowed to come within three feet of other people.  So that was fun.  

In July I had a follow-up body scan and now I'm cancer free. Yay go me!  I take a daily medication to replace the hormones your thyroid is supposed to make and I have a lovely scar in the middle of my neck.  My plan is that when people ask about the scar, I'll tell them that someone once tried to slit my throat.  Sadly, my surgeon was too good (or people just aren't rude enough these days) and no one ever asks.  

Awkwardness & Chivalry

Today I had a hearing at the courthouse on a rather large case.  It was a hearing on a motion to dismiss.  The case is actually three different cases revolving around a single incident and essentially the same parties.  There were six attorneys present for the hearing.  My client didn't really have a dog in this fight, which I why I was at the courthouse instead of the partner on the case.

 

So there are six attorneys.  I'm the youngest/least experienced by approximately 20 years.  I'm also the only female.  This doesn't bother me (except for when they tell mildly inappropriate stories and then feel the need to apologize for hurting my womanly sensibilities...but whatever). 

 

There is one problem...

 

You see, while chivalry in general might be dead (this is what I hear, at least), it is alive and kicking in Kansas.

 

No matter where we were going, the other attorneys always made sure to hold the door open for me and then everyone follows me.  This means that I got on the elevator first and then also needed to get off first (awkward, but doable).  it means that I went into the judges chambers first.  I went into the courtroom first.  I left the courtroom first as we left to sit down and workout some deadlines.  I'm always first.  Again, I don't mind the whole door holding thing...

 

What I mind is this--generally speaking, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!  I'm still learning the ropes around the courthouse and I'm trying to watch the other attorneys to figure out where to go, etc.  It is hard to follow their lead when I'M ALWAYS FIRST.  This lead to a lot of awkward moments where I walked into or out of a room and then just stood off to the side until someone else came out who I could follow...

 

Awkward.

Hey! Remember that one time when I had a blog?

Me too!  It seems that the last time I updated this blog was many, many weeks ago.  I fail at life (well, not life...but blogging!). 

 

I haven't been baking much lately, but I do have a long list of baking related blog posts that are in the making...but you're not getting one of those today.  Today, you are getting a birthday story (because it is shorter and easier to write...and fresher in my memory).

 

My birthday was a little over a week ago (happy birthday to me!).  I did most of my birthday celebrating in Iowa over thanksgiving because...well...that is where most of the people who wanted to celebrate with me are located.  On my birthday, however, a wonderful group of friends took me out to eat. 

 

It was...and experience. 

 

The restaurant we went to was nice.  Very nice, in fact.  And the food was delicious.  But the absolute best part of the night, hands down, was our waitress. 

 

The waitress started the evening by casually flirting with the one guy at our table, Matt.  She was a little older than Matt, and wearing those old lady tennis shoes, but he was really liking the attention. 

 

And then someone told her it was my birthday.  She got really excited because, you see, it was her birthday too!  She turned 60 that day.  She had been a wee-bit loopy all night long...but man, when she realized that we shared a birthday, she went into full on awesome mode. 

 

Waitress:  "Man!  I just knew!  I knew as soon as you sat down that we have a connection, you know?!  You know, our sign is Sagittarius.  We've got one foot in this world, and one in the next!What time of day were you born?"

 

Me:  "Um...I don't really know..."

 

Waitress:  "Oh, I bet it was in the morning.  I was born in the morning [side note - she actually told me the time...but I forget].  Oh, this is so exciting!"  Awkwardly watching me with anticipation in her face.

 

Waitress:  "So, what's your name?"

 

Me:  "Rachel"

 

Waitress:  "Oh!  My name is [don't remember] Ray!  That is so interesting, RAY-chel and me with RAY for a middle name!"

 

More awkward staring...then she left.

 

When she returned: 

 

Waitress:  "So, are you like a metaphysical person?"

 

Me:  "Um...I don't really know..."

 

Waitress:  "Oh, if you were a metaphysical person, you would know.  Never mind."  Awkward watching...then she left again.

 

She came back:

 

Waitress:  "So, what are your parents names?"

 

Me:  "Robin and Dave"

 

Waitress:  "OH!  MY DAD'S NAME IS DAVID TOO!"

 

And away she goes...

 

And when she came back, she was carrying a Tupperware container with homemade cookies inside.  She put four cookies in the middle of our table...and with that, we left.  We took the cookies with us...but we were all fairly certain that our metaphysical waitress was probably high...potentially from the cookies, so we didn't eat them. 

 

And that was my birthday dinner.  It was fantastic.

 

Life...Keeping me Humble

It's review time here at the Firm.  That means that sometime soon, all something like 70 partners are going to get together in a big conference room and talk about all of the associates, one by one.  For me, this is my first full partnership review...up until now, I've only been reviewed by a smaller group of partners (the Associates Committee).  So...as you can imagine, the idea of 70ish of my bosses sitting around and talking about me behind closed doors is a little...scary.

 

This week the partners are working on (or should be working on) our written reviews.  All of the partners who I have done work for in the past six months have the opportunity to evaluate everything about me, from my researching and writing skills to my personality to my willingness to participate in firm functions.  And if I haven't done work for someone, well they can always opt to review me just for the fun of it. 

 

Anyway, given it is review time, I was extremely happy with a phone call I received today.  You see, a couple of weeks ago I filed something for a partner with the Clerk of the Appellate Court.  Today he called me and said, "So...I just realized...when you filed that Response, did you make sure to bind it correctly and use the right color of cover page?  I just realized that this was probably the first time you've filed something like that."  And I responded with, "It was, but I looked it up and yes, I filed it correctly." 

 

And then he said something that as an associate you just love to hear:  "Excellent, this is why I like working with you." 

 

I almost said, "Great!  You should probably write my review RIGHT NOW!"  But I didn't.

 

I did, however, proceed to tell some friends that I was feeling good about myself.  You know, always better to go into a review with the partner you do the most work for feeling good about your competence...

 

And then I looked at a motion I filed for him yesterday...and realized that I'M AN IDIOT who COMPLETELY FORGOT to include our exhibits.  Seriously...

 

So, just an hour or so after the partner tells me I've done something well, I walk into his office and explain why I'm an idiot (and then I fixed it, obviously). 

 

Sometimes there is a wonderful balance to the practice of law (at least my practice)...

 

So...today is a wash...

 

 

 

 

Apparently I'm a Farm Lawyer...

Currently, I have three cases in my overall case load that are keeping me crazy-pants style busy:

1. A case involving a dispute over damage to a rented tractor;
2. A case involving a contract for the sale of hay; and,
3. A case involving the sale of soil amendments, which are used to increase the root growth and density to improve crop production.

Add to this the fact that I have appeared in front of the Kansas Farm Service Agency state board a couple of times to talk crop insurance, and it appears that I'm becoming a regular farm lawyer...

I wish I had known this was where my life would lead when I was growing up on a farm.  Maybe I would have paid more attention...

In other news, today one of the male associates told me I look tired, which I'm certain actually means, "You look like poop."  (He is Mormon, so I don't think he swears...).

I told my friend and coworker Lindsey about this exchange and her response was, "I'm sorry you look like shit."  THANKS LINDSEY! 

Edit: Lindsey would like you all to know that she immediately followed up her statement with, "But I'm sure [he's] wrong."

I'm not so sure, though.  Not too long after this exchange, a paralegal came in and told me I look like I don't feel well...

 

Thanks for reading my non-post...I promise a better one some day in the future!

Warrior Dash Iowa - 2012

Last weekend I finally participated in a Warrior Dash and it was AWESOME!  Really, the whole weekend was awesome...so now I will give you a play-by-play so you can be jealous of my awesomeness.  You're welcome.



Pre-Warrior Dash Photo!  Look how cute we are!

I slept fitfully on Friday night because I was very nervous/excited about the Warrior Dash.  I have some travel anxiety issues, so I had already read through the Warrior Dash website a few times, I shared the website with bulleted important information for my friends (like what to bring, when to arrive, etc.), and I carefully prepared my weekend packet (which included hotel reservation confirmation, directions to the hotel just in case my GPS stopped working, Warrior Dash waivers for everyone in our group in case they forgot theirs, directions to the dash from the hotel, etc.).  Seriously, I have issues.  But...I was still fairly certain that I was forgetting something...so I didn't sleep well.

Morning came and we were actually ON TIME!  If you know Ian and me (or any of our friends), you should know that we are almost never on time.  I should clarify...I'm on time to things that matter to me (think anything that involves the courthouse or when I was in school, class, or really anything where someone tells me that I need to be somewhere at a designated time and that someone is not my mom, my sister, or my grandma...and by "on time" in those situations I mean 10-15 minutes early or I'm freaking out and a mess).  But for other events, I'm generally late. 

 

Ian has a more fluid definition of "on time" for everything.  For instance, if I'm going to be two minutes early to class, I'm not going to class because that's "late" and that is embarrassing...if Ian is going to be two minutes early to class he finds something else to do that will take him 10-20 minutes and then he will go to class.  This little difference sometimes causes a wee bit of strife...you see, my travel anxiety combined with Ian's fluid relationship with time...combined with the fact that me nagging him makes him move slower = a really stressful situation for everyone involved.

So...I slept fitfully because I just KNEW we were going to be LATE to the Warrior Dash...and we all know the world ends when you are late to the Warrior Dash.  Right?!

Ok, rant over.  So, we weren't late.  Everyone was actually very prompt and we got out the door and to the middle of nowhere (where the event was staged) in plenty of time!

The first shocking thing about the Warrior Dash was the fact that there were like a thousand people out there at 9:00 AM.  I just assumed that people want to sleep in on Saturday...I assumed wrong.


So, we got ourselves all registered and checked our stuff in to the appropriate places, and then we stood around and waited for the race to begin.  When it was time to line up, we purposely got toward the back of the pack...saving the serious athletes from the added obstacle of passing us.  Two things happened at this point: (1) I was very, very thirsty, so I wandered up to where the table with the water and grabbed a cup and then came back...but everyone had started moving forward and I had a frantic moment where I couldn't find my group.  I felt like a child lost in a clothing store.  It was embarrassing.  (2)  I had a moment where I was like, "You really don't want to do this...GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN THERE IS STILL TIME!"  I didn't listen to the voice freaking out in my head.  That voice lies.

The race started and we were off!  Kinda.  Really, the people at the front of the line started jogging and we walked forward until it was our turn.  Then WE WERE OFF.  Kinda.  You see, we ran for about 20 feet and immediately started walking...because everyone was walking.  The first approximately half mile was straight up a hill...and I wish I was exaggerating but I'm not.  I swear!



So...how to describe the course...I was unprepared for the course.  I knew we would be running around in the semi-wilderness, but I really hadn't contemplated what that means.  We were running through a partially patted down path.  There were tree limbs in the way, tall weeds, steps carved out of the dirt, big toe-stubbing rocks, etc.  There were portions of the path where you had to run single file...there was poison ivy in the path...it was definitely the wilderness.  Also...there were A LOT of hills.  I don't care how much I train to run, as long as my training takes place in Kansas, I will never be prepared to run on hills (PS: I'm not saying I actually trained properly for this race...because that would be a lie!). 

The obstacles were awesome and I'm proud to say that both Ian and I completed every obstacle!  Words of wisdom: if you are planning to do a Warrior Dash...part of your training should include crawling around in the woods.  Seriously.  That's not pleasant...and there is definitely more crawling than you would expect! 



Finished!

In other news, I didn't fall off of anything!  Some of those obstacles required you to climb something really high...and there is no safety "you're dumb and you fell off that really high wall" mat to catch you.  If you fall, you land on the ground.  So yay!  There is a rumor that someone in the 10:30 wave compound fractured his arm (with bone sticking out and all that gross stuff).  I have no idea if this is true, but I also wouldn't be surprised.

 

Our group ended up walking a large portion of the Warrior Dash for a variety of reasons...but I'm proud to say that we all finished and we all had a good time!  I think the very best portion of the event is when you get close to the finish line and you can hear everyone cheering...you run around the bend and out of the woods to jump over fire and then into the mud pit for the finish line!  So awesome! 

I'm definitely planning to do this (and other runs like this) again!  (I've started trying to convince Ian that we need to do one in October!).



The rest of the day was really awesome as well!  We drank our free beer, listened to some music, and ate giant turkey legs! 



I know, it's a wienie bite!

 

Cheers?

He is actually dancing with the turkey leg...

Drinking double...

I'll spare you the pics of us going at the turkey leg lady and the tramp style...

Then we went to the hotel and sat in the hot tub/went swimming all afternoon!  It was great! 

We continued to celebrate our awesomeness into the evening when we went out on the town.  Did you know that Des Moines is actually a somewhat happening place?  Or that a German restaurant with a live polka band would be the place where all of the youngsters want to booze the evening away?  Me either!



We went out with our fuzzy warrior helmets on...because really, why wouldn't we?!  All night long people would yell "WARRIORS!" at us...which was strange.  A stranger asked to take a picture of us...and we obliged...



WARRIORS!

We finished up the weekend with Sunday lunch at a place called Zombie Burger.  It was awesome (in a "my heart wants to die just thinking about what I ate) kind of way! 





I made it look strange...but this is their sign!

Front of the Menu!

Description of what I ate...

What I ate...

Description of what Ian ate...

All in all, I call this weekend a success (and I'm thoroughly impressed with Des Moines!).

An Open Letter to Delta Airlines

Dear Delta,

I hate you.

Hugs & Kisses & Fluffy Stuff,

Rachel

It's been almost a month since I've blogged anything...I suck.  Also, I've been busy (lame & true).  In exciting news, I moved a week and a half ago from a 1.5 bedroom apartment with an angry (Ian says serial killer) old neighbor who complained that I was being too loud even when I wasn't home into a 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom, beautiful town home! 

In sad news, my aunt passed away last week.  I don't feel that this is the appropriate place to discuss her, her life, or her death, but it is the appropriate venue for my rant re: Delta Airlines.

I spent most of last week at home.  Ian was moving back to finish school, so I went with him in his car to Iowa, and then purchased a plane ticket to get me back to Wichita on Sunday.  Itinerary:

Leave Iowa at 4:25 pm, land in Atlanta at 7:31

Leave Atlanta at 8:30, land in Wichita at 9:45.

So it's Sunday, I'm all prepared to leave, and I get a phone call from Delta.  Apparently my flight has been delayed and I am now set to arrive in Atlanta 8:24.  Ok, a six minute layover isn't great by anyone's standards, but I figure that since they are both Delta flights, the airline will work with me.

A couple of minutes later, I get a second phone call...I'm delayed for a second time and will be arriving in Atlanta at 8:59, 29 minutes after my scheduled departure.

And then five minutes later, all of a sudden I'm not going to be in Atlanta until 11:44.  Clearly this doesn't work for me.

I get online, find a new itinerary and even though I'm pissed, I just suck it up because really, what are you going to do about it, right?

Ok, so new itinerary:

Leave at 11:45, arrive in Minneapolis at 12:51

Leave Minneapolis at 2:20, arrive in Wichita at 4:12.

The next morning, I'm all ready for my flight again and I get another phone call.  My flight is delayed AGAIN!  Now I'm not going to arrive in Minneapolis until 2:33, 13 minutes after departure. 

So Ian and I go to the airport because I'm angry and I need to get home.  We walk up to the counter and the customer service rep tries to make a joke, sees that I'm pissed, and gets a little serious (but also condescending).  I tell him I want to get home as soon as possible, he says the earliest flight out of Minneapolis he can get me on is at 7:30.  I say that doesn't work for me and tell him to get me home earlier, on Delta or some other airline.  He clicks and clacks on his computer for a few minutes and says, "Sorry, but that's the earliest I can get you there.  It will have to do."  So I say, "Fine.  I don't care what time I get home, I want to fly on a different airline because clearly your airline has issues as every single flight has been delayed,"  (as we are talking, Delta is making an announcement that another flight has been overbooked and they are looking for people to volunteer to take a different flight).  He goes over to American Airlines and when he comes back I am miraculously on an earlier flight, arriving in Wichita at 4:30.

Many things about this experience pissed me off, but this "customer service" guy was the worst.  First, I shouldn't have to ask twice for you to check flights with other airlines.  Then he told me that one of the reasons the flight may be delayed is regularly scheduled maintenance.  WTF?  Finally, he talked to Ian and I like we were children and/or idiots. 

Moral of the story = I hate Delta. 

I promise to post about cupcakes soon.  :)

Read this Book! Seriously! DO IT!

Ok, the picture is terrible and you can't really tell what it says...so you should purchase and read Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson (aka The Bloggess).  I know that you don't really want my opinion about what you should read, but here it is anyway!

I read The Bloggess's blog and it is freaking hilarious all the time, so I pre-ordered the book in like January or something equally ridiculous.  Anyway, I patiently waited for the book to arrive (for about a month...then I impatiently waited) and about did cartwheels when I actually got it!  I immediately went out on to my patio to read!

I opened up to the introduction and started reading...and then I started laughing...I laughed so hard I teared up a little bit.  Seriously.  I laughed so hard that I had to come back inside.  I was fairly certain that if I stayed outside, my neighbors would think I was crazy for just sitting there all alone laughing out  loud for an extended period of time...

So I came inside and continued to read.  And I laughed so hard that Ian asked me to stop reading because it was distracting him from whatever he was doing at the time (playing video games...reading his own book...etc).

So, the moral of the story is that this book is freaking hilarious and I promise you will laugh so hard you cry at least twice.

Personal Baked Oatmeal "Bars"

I'm  not much of a morning person.  At all.  For some reason, I am perfectly capable of waking up at 5:30 am for a gym class (most of the time) and when I do I manage to make myself something good for breakfast (and by "I usually make myself," I mean "Ian cooks" - at least for now).  But on days that I don't go to the gym, I CANNOT get my lazy butt up out of my bed.  Which also means I don't eat breakfast.  If I don't eat breakfast I AM STARVING by 9:30 am, which is obviously too early for lunch.  Or I eat something gross out of a vending machine.

And this is where I have to thank Pinterest and the amazing people who post amazing ideas on it!  PINTEREST SOLVED MY LAZY BUTT BREAKFAST PROBLEMS!

The People of Walmart

So I did some baking for Easter, but this post isn't about that.  This post is about my trip to Walmart to get my baking supplies.  I'm a procrastinator, so I waited until Sunday morning to go to the store to purchase my ingredients.  I wasn't really sure what stores would be open on a holiday (in the bible belt), so I opted for Walmart because I figured it was a sure bet. 

During my time at Walmart, I had multiple interactions with strangers:

(1)  Within 5 minutes of being in the store, as I was wandering around by the checkout lanes trying to find one that had cold Diet Pepsi, an older gentleman walked up to me and asked me to verify that he was purchase the correct light bulb.  He had his old light bulb and the new one he wanted to purchase...we agreed that there was a little indentation at the top and that appeared to be the only difference.

(2)  A few minutes later, a middle-aged man in an...interesting suit approached me.  He had a full gold "grill" and a very nice hat.  He was looking for a woman to help him re-tie his tie.  I was apparently the 18th to turn him down.

(3)  While looking for peanuts, and older gentleman started talking to me about where to find the powdered popcorn flavoring.  We agreed it should be near the popcorn.  He encouraged me to eat more popcorn and told me his favorite brands.

(4)  Finally, while getting some food coloring two black men approximately my age came into the aisle and asked if I happened to know where they could find Easter egg dye.  I said I did not but told them they could use food coloring, water, and vinegar and it would work the same.  They thanked me and turned to walk away and I heard one (who had his goatee in pigtails) say to the other, "See, white people are so smart."  Seriously. 

Anyway, the people at Walmart were very, very friendly on Easter. 

Doctor's Orders!

I promise to post about cupcakes again very soon (about Rootbeer Float cupcakes...yummy!).  But first...

I went to the doctor yesterday because I've been a little dizzy and my hip hurts.  The doc ran some tests and took some x-rays.  Turns out, I have low blood pressure (100/60) and a random issue with my hip.  My doctor has instructed me to eat more salt and stop running.  No joke.

How many of you can eat bacon, cheese, and chips and blame it on your doctor?  Well...I CAN!  Jealous???

Not a Real Post

Every once in a while (aka - like 10 times a day) I check to see how many hits my blog has gotten and how people find their way to my ramblings.  Today I hit a jackpot.  You see, when you type a search into google, and it leads you to a blog which you choose to click on, the owner of that blog can see the search terms you used.  Usually the search are boring like - corona cupcake or libatious litigator.  This time, it turns out there are two oddities.

And now, I present to you the odd search terms bringing people to my blog:

• Why does my limoncello look like pee
• ganchen pastru fejsbooh

Clearly the limoncello pee question pulled up my homemade limoncello post...where I clearly compared my giant bucket of limoncello to pee...well...the look of pee...

I haven't the foggiest clue what the second search was.

I'm an Idiot...or...I'm REALLY Dedicated to my Job!

Obviously this post isn't about cupcakes.  Sorry...

Anyway, on Tuesday I was sitting in my office, pouring over a plaintiff's medical records, doing some research into the various pain medications he has been prescribed over the two years since his accident.  I do some google searches for the uses of the medications, side effects, etc.  One is a muscle relaxer, one is an anti-inflammatory, and the third is a narcotic pain med.

Then I leave and go to hot yoga.

If you've never tried hot yoga, you should.  It's awesome.  But you should be careful.  Very, very careful. In this particular yoga class we do a lot of inversions (we go upside down).  Well, near the end of class I attempted to do something that is similar to a headstand.  I failed in a painful way.  Nothing big happened, I just put my legs up and my neck went slightly to the left.  And then there was pain.  Nothing bad at first...but gradually it grew.  And now I'm on the same pain meds as the plaintiff!  (minus the anti-inflammatory).

So, the moral of the story is I'm really dedicated and just wanted to know first hand what the side effects of these pain meds are.  So, thank you hot yoga.  

PS - if one more person tells me about the STUPID New York Times article from a month or so ago that details the dangers of yoga, I may scream!  Yes people, yoga, just like every other athletic activity, can lead to injuries.  If done improperly.  Like I did.  

Ok, rant over!

Bacon Whole Wheat Pancakes

(I decided that since the post is short, the picture has to be big!)

As usual, it has been FOREVER since I have posted anything.  Such is life, no?!  Anyway, just a short little post today...Ian and I decided to make some delicious pancakes for breakfast-lunch yesterday (no, this was not brunch.  It was at 1:30 in the afternoon...we just decided to have breakfast for lunch).

Ian baked some bacon in the oven, and then I whipped up these whole wheat pancakes...put the cooked bacon on the skillet and then dump your batter right on top of the bacon!  Delicious!  My sister pointed out that bacon in a whole wheat pancake "defeats the purpose of the whole wheat pancake."  My thoughts = bacon never defeats the purpose of anything...bacon goes with everything!  Also, the whole wheat pancakes (while nutritious) are also delicious! 

We also made some dunk eggs (I believe people outside of my family call these over easy) to throw on top of the pancakes!  All in all, this was a delicious breakfast lunch.  The pancakes were light and fluffy and had a really good flavor.  Next time, however, I will be crumbling the bacon and mixing it into the batter so I can have a bite of bacon with most bites of pancake!  Sounds good, right?!

(Please forgive my terrible photo)

Whole Wheat Pancakes -



2 cups whole wheat flour

4 1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

2 tsp cinnamon (we added a little extra)

2 tsp sugar (we added a little extra)

pinch nutmeg

2 large eggs

2 cups + 2 tbsp milk

2 tsp vanilla bean paste

1. Mix all dry ingredients in a bowl.
2. Add in all wet ingredients and mix well with a spoon until there are no more dry spots.  Don't over mix.
3. Heat a skillet on medium heat.
4. Lightly spay cooking spray on skillet (we used butter).
5. Place bacon on skillet and cover with 1/4 cup of pancake batter.
6. When bubbles settle and the edges begin to set, flip the pancake and cook the other side to golden brown. 
7. EAT!

Picture Coasters (not edible...duh)

Have you heard of the latest social media craze?  Well, the latest craze for mostly women who enjoy cooking/baking/crafting??  It is called pinterest, and if you enjoy any of the previously mentioned things, you should probably be on it.  Essentially, pinterest can teach you how to do things you never knew you wanted to be able to do.

I learned about pinterest shortly before Christmas and it helped me remember that I enjoy making things.  One of the very first things I found was a tutorial on how to make picture coasters.  In fact, I decided that coasters with Ian and my disastrous photo shoot would be perfect for Ian's apartment, and therefore a perfect Christmas gift for him!  I was also fairly confident that they were going to be AWESOME and that everyone would want some...so I decided to make some for my mom (and by some, I mean she got like 16 because who doesn't need 16 coaster?!  Really, her family is just too big...) and for friends (although I still owe some friends some coasters...two months after Christmas isn't too late to give a present, right?!). 

I Made Soup!

In Wichita, we have a fantastic soup and sandwich place called Tanya's Soup Kitchen.  The woman who owns it may be crazy, but that's ok because she works in the restaurant industry!  Anyway, she creates all of these wonderful soups, all made from scratch, using mostly local ingredients, and it is definitely one of my favorite places in town.  She also sells her recipes.

Prior to Christmas, I was in Tanya's for lunch and noticed that her recipe books were on sale (like, buy all six and save $15 or something like that).  I decided I would buy them and give them away for Christmas presents (they are currently sitting in the back of Ian's car...so the second part of this plan backfired).  I figured I would also want to keep a couple...you know, cause I like cooking so much and how hard could it possibly be to make SOUP?

Turns out, making soup is an interesting experience.

Homemade Limoncello

I officially fail at blogging...it has been almost a month since my last post.  Good news is, I have a TON to post about, so be prepared for multiple new posts in a (hopefully) short time span (provided my life cooperates). 

Anyway, on one of my many, MANY trips home to Iowa last summer (yes, this is a very old topic), I went to a party at my bother and sister-in-law's house.  At this party, my sister-in-law, Amanda, served delicious limoncello that SHE MADE HERSELF!  Hers turned out so well, I asked for instructions and made my own! 

 (note - this is my finished limoncello, not a giant jar of pee)

And This Is Why We Have No Good Pictures

Ian recently asked me why we don't have very many pictures of the two of us.  Truth is, we have a couple of good pictures together, but most of the time I just forget to take out the camera and take pictures.  So this past weekend while I was home and we were both looking so nice, I decided I would snap a cute new photo of us.

And this, I think, is the real reason why we don't have very many good pictures...

Photo 1 - notice the hand placement...

Photo 2 - is he looking down my dress??? (Either that, or he sneezed)

Photo 3 - eh...this one is...ok...we both look kinda goofy but at least we are trying...

Photo 4 - what?  No smile?

Photo 5 - Seriously?  What are you doing???

And, finally, Photo 6 - finally a decent one... 

My Opinion on Things You Don't Want My Opinion On

1.  I just finished the book The Night Circus, which you can and should buy here.



I loved this book.  Its the story of a mysterious circus that shows up at various locations around the world and is only open from dusk until dawn.  More than that, it is the story of the performers within the circus (as well as the people who created the circus and the patrons of the circus).  Within the circus, there is also magic, an intense competition, and a love story.  It's a story you can get completely lost in.  I was especially impressed that this was the author's first novel!  LOVE!  So...if you enjoy a good love story wrapped in a little bit of magic and mystery, you should definitely read this book! 

2.  Last night, most of the female attorneys in my law firm went out for drinks and then went to a late showing of the latest installment of the Twilight series:  Breaking Dawn Part I.  We sat in the balcony of the theater where we could order food and drinks (and our seats had seat warmers...seriously!).  It was a really fun time...and the movie was...fine...I guess. 

There were A LOT of awkward moments...as expected. 

There were some hilarious moments that I'm not entirely sure were meant to be hilarious (like the talking werewolves...WTF?).

There were not nearly enough shirtless running men.  Just saying.  Very disappointed in the lack of shirtless running men. 

Maybe they're saving the shirtlessness for Part II?  One can only hope...

Strawberry Margarita Cupcakes and a Bachelorette Party

Ok, first things first - if you are 1 of the 5 people who looks at this blog occasionally, you will notice that I have changed the name and the URL.  I'm sorry if this caused any confusion/if you attempted to find my blog and were prevented due to the change.  However, it was a necessary evil.  Some of you may be aware that there is a cookbook entitled The Boozy Baker, which is all over the place right now.  Considering the book was published long before I started my blog (and the fact that it is now a well recognized cookbook), I assume that someday in the near future, the author (or her attorneys) is going to being the process of doing random Internet searches for people who are infringing on her intellectual property...at which time she would find me and I would receive a cease and desist letter.  So, to avoid that, I changed the blog name (and have already had one complaint...)

NOW ON TO THE FUN STUFF!

It has been a while since my last post, and for that I apologize!  I've been spending a lot of quality time in my office lately and haven't been baking as much as I would like to.  However, I did break away from the office a couple of weeks ago to attend an awesome bachelorette party of my hair stylist turned workout buddy and all around friend, Evy.  She and her beau eloped in Vegas...but before that, we had a crazy night filled with mullets, alcohol, dancing, and a party bus! 

I offered to bake Evy cupcakes for the party, and asked her what kind sounded good to her.  She, like most people when asked that question, said she didn't really care...but then she mentioned strawberry margarita cupcakes about 10 times in the course of a week.  So, it was decided.

I've already made margarita cupcakes and decided to just use that same recipe, but find a way to make it much more alcoholic and strawberry flavored.  I also fell in love with the Swiss Meringue Buttercream Frosting...so I decided to find a way to make that alcoholic.

Both of these changes were really simple...or would have been for someone who wasn't me. 

To make the cupcakes strawberry margarita flavored, I decided to try this filling I found at The Baker Chick.  The Baker Chick's blog post on strawberry margarita cupcakes is great, and she even tells you how to get the filling into the cupcakes.  I thought I knew better.  I was wrong.

So...I recently found this while shopping:

This is supposed to help you remove the center of your cupcake to add filling...for me, all it did was mash the center of my cupcake, making it ugly and malformed.  I only used this "handy" tool on one cupcake, and then I gave up.  I'm sure that it is very useful...and someday I may even find a way to use it...but I assumed I had a better idea.

I WAS WRONG.

Remember my Chocolate Cupcakes with Peanut Butter Filling?  For those, I just put the filling in a pastry bag, put the tip of the pastry bag into the cupcake, and squeezed gently.  It was super simple...so I figured I would try that again here.

The filling in this cupcake is essentially tequila and strawberry puree.  Mistake number 1 was thinking that I could keep LIQUID in my pastry bag without spilling it everywhere.  I could not.  I ended up with puddles of strawberry tequila all over my kitchen floor.  Mistake number 2 was thinking that strawberry puree would come easily out of the tip...it did not.  The seeds got stuck in the tip...I ended up squeezing the bag a little too hard...when the LIQUID finally came out of the bag, it didn't come out nicely.  It squirted.  Everywhere. 

I did finally get my cupcakes filled...by following the directions provided by The Baker Chick.  So...take a small paring knife and cut out the center of your cupcake:

Using a spoon, fill the hole with your filling (no judging my messy baking skills):

Then replace the centerpiece.  Some people say you should cut off the tip so it fits more easily back on the cupcake after you have added filling.  My take on these cupcakes was that I was going to be frosting them with the cupcake swirl, so a little extra volume in the middle of the cupcake wouldn't hurt anyone!

For the frosting, I remade the Swiss Meringue Buttercream Frosting...but this time, instead of adding strawberry puree to flavor it, I made a strawberry margarita and dumped it in.  I thought it worked well! 

These cupcakes were AMAZING...and they were definitely the most alcoholic cupcakes I've made to date.  Seriously, when I opened up the box at the dinner, you could smell the tequila!  It. Was. Fantastic!

Obviously, these cupcakes being for a bachelorette party means there had to be a penis straw for the bride:

In case you were wondering, the bachelorette party was an AMAZING time...and I was NOT KIDDING ABOUT THE MULLETS! 



(Ok, the second one was a wig...but the first guy...hardcore mullet).

Margarita Cupcakes -

I'm not re-writing the recipe for you...just follow the link! 

Strawberry Margarita Filling -

1 8oz container of strawberries

Juice and zest of 1 lime

1/2 cup tequila

2 tablespoons sugar

In a bowl of a food processor (I used a magic bullet), add the strawberries, lime juice, lime zest, tequila, and sugar.  Puree until there are no chunks of strawberry.

Strawberry Margarita Swiss Meringue Buttercream Frosting -

Follow the frosting recipe until the point where you add the strawberries.

Make a strawberry margarita (I mixed 6 ounce of tequila, 4-6 ounces of tripple sec, 4 ounces of strawberry puree, and 2 ounces of fresh squeezed lime juice).  Dump the strawberry margarita into the frosting and mix until combined!

Fill your cooled cupcakes with the filling (using the method above, trust me), then frost...I like the cupcake swirl for these ones (mostly because I now know how to do the cupcake swirl).